So it's been a month (and three days to be exact) that I've been back here in the sunshine state. One month FLEW. There's not much happening to be honest, but I've already learned a whole lot of somethings because of this bunch of nothing that isn't happening... ya following me here?
Let me tell ya about it.
This week has been especially rough. A whole lot that I wasn't prepared for or expecting, and a whole lot of trying that isn't resulting in progress and a WHOLE lot of job apps that don't seem to be looked at no matter how many times I call or go into the stores or how many prayers I've sent just looking for answers. It's really, really obnoxious when you want the world NOW and God has a better and bigger plan, if you would just CALM YOURSELF for 10 seconds and accept that.
That's not a strength of mine. I like to have a plan and I like life to go according to plan. I like organization and success. That's all kind of ran off since I came home. On my mission I had a set schedule, 100% of my efforts were focused on people other than me. My entire purpose was to help OTHERS to come unto Christ. I wake up, study, eat, teach, plan, sleep, repeat. It was golden. Every few months the mission President calls and tells you that God has another plan and you're being transferred to another area, but then you get there and you adjust and it's like a well-oiled machine. All along you know your purpose and where you're going and you know that God wants you there.
Real life is a different story. I know God loves me and has a plan for me, but I can't tell you where He wants me right now or why or WHY I DIDN'T GET A JOB THE DAY I WALKED OFF THE PLANE. (I'm getting over that now, I've just never had difficulty getting a job. It's new territory for me.) There's no transfer call, the purpose is eternal and a lot broader and there are a lot of other things you have to balance while remembering that God loves you and that there are bigger things than what's stressing you out right now. I just remembered that today.
There has been a lot of soul searching and LOTS of praying (begging, really, but it's whatever), lots of studying (still room for improvement, let's be honest) and a few tender mercies in between the really tough days.
That's brought me to where I am right now. The entire month that I've been home has been asking these same questions; What do I do now? Where do I need to go? Should I stay here? Should I move? Why don't I have a job yet? Where should I work? What does the man upstairs want from me right now? HELP ME PLEASE?
I've been pretty obnoxious asking a whole lot of questions and making a whole lot of requests as to what I think would be good or cool to have in my life right now.
Then I went to church this afternoon. YSA wards, man. I'm still trying to enjoy it, but the lessons today were TOP. In Relief Society they had mentioned a scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 58, and I didn't really focus on it but I knew I liked it. So naturally, I forgot all about it after church. I came home, ate, made a few more requests and sent a few more questions to the Man upstairs. Decided to go to sleep, rolled around for a while, but I was thinking so much of everything that was going on and recognizing little answers and Doctrine and Covenants 58 came to mind. For whatever reason the ONLY time this deep inspiration/study motivation/answers/etc comes is extremely late at night when the only thing I want to do is sleep. But I mean no complaints, I'll take it when I can get it.
So I read.
Turns out all that I needed was in this chapter.
I wouldn't have been ready for it nor listened to it had i read it before, but today it was perfect.
I had a lil Q&A session tonight, just me and God via Doctrine and Covenants.
Q: Mmkay this isn't so cool any more I'm kind of tired of this, I get that the trials are for me to learn but really now it's been a long month