Quarter Life Crisis

Alright y'all, I've had a whole lotta thoughts this week, and when I put it on paper it was long enough that I decided to have mercy on everyone's social media by just turning it into a blog post. But honestly y'all know I talk a lot, so really long posts here and there are nothing new. I tried my best to put my thoughts into words, but I always think music can communicate my thoughts and feelings much better than I can...so I added some music videos at the end for your listening pleasure. Anyways, I'm about to get real here, so buckle up.

This past year has been the absolute hardest of my life. I've had some high points, but there were also moments where I've never felt lower. I had my share of physical challenges, but all that was made so much harder by the battle going on inside my head. There were months upon months where I felt absolutely stuck in a pit, with no way to escape. I felt empty and hopeless. I never doubted that God existed, but I did hit a point where I no longer believed that he was there for ME. I felt like I stopped receiving answers, and developed this mentality of "I'm giving up on God because he's clearly given up on me." 

I felt deserted. I had detached myself from everyone around me. I stopped trying. I lost sight of my goals. I had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted out of life. My mind just felt like this foggy, hopeless pit and I had no way to shake it off or move past it. I felt like I hit rock bottom and really the ONLY thing I could do was pray, and that's where I found the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I prayed longer, and more genuinely than I had probably ever. I still don't know exactly where I'm going, but I know God loves me and I don't doubt, for the first time in a long time, that things are going to get better and that I am most definitely not alone. God was there for me even when I left him, and when I thought He had left me. I know that He loves me unconditionally, and that He will NEVER leave me. 

If you ever feel lost, depressed, or alone, please know you have a friend in me, but even more so that you have a Heavenly Father who knows you perfectly and is just waiting for you to open the door and let Him in. He loves you. He is there for you, no matter what you've done or how you feel. Honestly I wouldn't wish that feeling of hitting rock bottom on anyone, but if it means everyone could feel God's presence in their life like I have this week, then push through, endure, and pray like crazy until you get there. That love has made all the difference in my life, and for the first time in a long time I know without a doubt that everything is going to be okay. 

I don't write this for attention or for anyone to feel bad for me (literally nothing bothers me more than pity. I'm not about that). Just wanted to get those thoughts outta my system, and to let anyone out there who might be feeling the same way know that they're not alone, that they are loved, and that I PROMISE things do get better, even when it feels like they never will.  

Love Letter

     So I posted a while ago about a love letter assignment that I had to submit for a class. I wrote about tacos. By popular demand, I'm dropping it here for your reading pleasure. I dedicate this to all of you who love tacos like I do. Also, consider this my annual blog post because I forget I have one 394 days of the year. Here we go:

Dear Tacos, 

     Where do I begin? You’ve impressed me all my life. As a child, I loved you. I only knew of American tacos at the time, but I loved you just the same. Your massive flour tortilla, juicy ground beef with sour cream and lettuce. “Yum” was all I could say…Literally. Over time, my childhood love turned into desperation. I wanted food, and I wanted it cheap. That was our “Taco Bell” stage. I won’t say any more about that. Even through the hard times, you stuck by my side and filled me with happiness.

     Thankfully, our love has evolved since the Taco Bell days. I remember the first time my friends took me to the local taco truck. My life was forever changed. I could smell the limes from a mile away. I saw Jarrito’s soda and salsa lining the taco truck window, and then…I saw you. The cook passed a plate full of tacos to the man in front of me, and I just couldn’t help myself. The corn tortilla, the carne asada, the cilantro… It all just hit me like a ton of bricks. I ordered you for myself, and the moment you touched my lips, my life was forever changed. “THIS is what tacos should be like,” I thought. It was a blissful moment.

     I know time has passed since then, but I still think of you just as fondly. I’m sure to find you, wherever I may be. I thought you were gone forever when I left Florida, but turns out it was only the beginning of our journey. I couldn’t find you at our favorite taco truck anymore, but since then I have discovered a plethora of taco stands downtown, just waiting to reunite us. My friends still send photos of that taco truck, thinking that it will make me jealous and convince me to return. What they don’t know is that I have a piece of you with me everywhere I go. In the fridge waiting for lunch, at the local Mexican restaurant, one of those taco stands… Nothing can keep us apart, for I know you’ll find a way to me regardless of distance or circumstance. We have a love that few understand, many envy, and some even resent. All I can do is share my love in attempt to spread the same happiness that you have brought me.

Forever yours,

Jordan Morrill