This past year has been the absolute hardest of my life. I've had some high points, but there were also moments where I've never felt lower. I had my share of physical challenges, but all that was made so much harder by the battle going on inside my head. There were months upon months where I felt absolutely stuck in a pit, with no way to escape. I felt empty and hopeless. I never doubted that God existed, but I did hit a point where I no longer believed that he was there for ME. I felt like I stopped receiving answers, and developed this mentality of "I'm giving up on God because he's clearly given up on me."
I felt deserted. I had detached myself from everyone around me. I stopped trying. I lost sight of my goals. I had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted out of life. My mind just felt like this foggy, hopeless pit and I had no way to shake it off or move past it. I felt like I hit rock bottom and really the ONLY thing I could do was pray, and that's where I found the light at the end of the tunnel.
I prayed longer, and more genuinely than I had probably ever. I still don't know exactly where I'm going, but I know God loves me and I don't doubt, for the first time in a long time, that things are going to get better and that I am most definitely not alone. God was there for me even when I left him, and when I thought He had left me. I know that He loves me unconditionally, and that He will NEVER leave me.
If you ever feel lost, depressed, or alone, please know you have a friend in me, but even more so that you have a Heavenly Father who knows you perfectly and is just waiting for you to open the door and let Him in. He loves you. He is there for you, no matter what you've done or how you feel. Honestly I wouldn't wish that feeling of hitting rock bottom on anyone, but if it means everyone could feel God's presence in their life like I have this week, then push through, endure, and pray like crazy until you get there. That love has made all the difference in my life, and for the first time in a long time I know without a doubt that everything is going to be okay.
I don't write this for attention or for anyone to feel bad for me (literally nothing bothers me more than pity. I'm not about that). Just wanted to get those thoughts outta my system, and to let anyone out there who might be feeling the same way know that they're not alone, that they are loved, and that I PROMISE things do get better, even when it feels like they never will.